He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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