Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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