I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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