I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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