At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
