Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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