My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
