i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
