Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
