Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
