I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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