Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
