Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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