Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
