yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
