I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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