i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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