My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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