So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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