Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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