im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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