This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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