can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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