watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
