gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
