my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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