Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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