the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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