u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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