I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
