I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
