cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
