Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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