He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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