HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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