Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
