ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
