Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
