someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
