i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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