guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
