I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
