last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
