I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
too bad you live with your parents still
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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