just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He shit in the fireplace
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