Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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