i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
