Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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