Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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