thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
