dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
