On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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