Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
