Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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