I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
