not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
