so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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