I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
